Rules Are Meant To Be Broken

In order to make a rule effective, two puzzle pieces are required:

1.        The enforcer MUST be consistent, fair and firm.

2.        The people to whom the rule regulates must obey the enforced rule.

Agreed? If so, you can stop reading because I ain’t told you nothing you didn’t already know.

However, if you do not agree, continue, I want to discuss our disagreement.

 Why? I’m glad you asked. I want to discuss this issue of RULES so that we each have an opportunity to present our cases.

I used the word “case” versus argument, fight, quarrel or another negative connotation used to describe a “difference of opinion.” Okay, so moving right along.

1.        The enforcer MUST be consistent, fair and firm.

Dude, I promise you this is one of the factors. I’m not gonna use a statistic I read in an article, book or saw on tv. I’m going to use MY LIFE.  *Note: I only blog when something inspires me to do so.*

Over the past 10 months, I’ve accumulated (4) tickets issued by Jackson County:

1.        Parking in a NO PARKING zone

2.        Not using a turn signal in a school speed zone.

3.        Running a red light (stoplight camera)

4.        Improperly driving in a turning lane in a school speed zone.

Honest enough? So it was to NO surprise to me that I received multiple reminders of court dates and penalty fees that were accruing on my behalf at the Jackson County Court House. For the LAW (rule) says that if you commit a crime (on any level), you will suffer the consequences. Sounds legit right? Right!

However, what caught me by surprise is when I received a letter in the mail issuing a warrant for my arrest and a notification that my DL has been revoked until said warrants have been paid in full. I didn’t wanna tell you this part, but hey, if you report me to KCPD one of two things are bound to happen: 1. I will find out and HUNT you down and 2. I will probably go to JAIL. Do you boo boo, but you GOTTA be out yo’ rabbit…to think I won’t seek revenge. #IJS

Now, I’m not gonna justify my crimes…at least not on this blog LOL which moves me to the next portion…

2.        The people to whom the rule regulates must obey the enforced rule.

So, let’s just call me a “law-breaker.” I n the eyes of the state, I’m nothing more than a driver that neglected to read the NO PARKING ZONE sign, was more focused on getting to work on time than realizing the cars were driving under 25mph for a reason and did not stop at the red light. Simple as that; it is what it is.

Conclusion: Are the posted signs for NO PARKING and SCHOOL SPEED zones ineffective? Do the stoplight cameras need to be removed? YES LOL ahahahahahahaha *sigh* No, they are effective but Tam has dynamically succeeded in ducking and dodging the PO-Pos for the past couple months. Man, I got rent to pay EVERY 1^st of the month. WTBS, I don’t have the $ to pay these tickets, warrants, fees and penalties. So how ‘bout y’all pray that the Lord would make a way ahahaahahha….I’m laughing b/c of my next part…make a way that I can stop shopping, start saving and more importantly not break out in a sweat every time I see FLASHING….LIGHTS (lights..lights)….Have a great day!

Think about this post the next time you make an exception to the rule.

Age Ain't Nothing But A Number

I’d like to discuss this whole relationship between AGE and MATURITY.

Why? I’m glad you asked. Here’s why I can’t hold it in any longer:

1.       There is no such thing as a 20s, 30s or 40s mistake in judgment.

2.       Just because you’re older than me does NOT mean you are wiser on EVERYTHING!

3.       I respect my elders, but I’m about to go HAM on some of them in the near future.

Let’s be clear, some mistakes in judgment are age-appropriate. Agreed? Great, let’s move on. My evaluation of life, meaning my priorities, has changed drastically from age 16 to 26. However, the change in judgment was NOT simply because I got older; it was because LIFE taught me to be wiser.

In an ideal world, a 40-year old would not make the same mistakes as a 18-year old, right? Welp, I don’t hafta tell you that honey, that ain’t how the cookie crumbles in 2011. The same setbacks, struggles and complexes we have now, started forming years ago and sadly, will not dissipate with age IF we do not learn in the process of growing older.

That moves me on to the next point. Do not automatically (meaning you have not considered that you’re wrong) place YOUR opinions on a superior level just because you are older than the person you are talking TO or ABOUT. I do NOT feel the need to dwell on this. I will say that I’ve learned more about life, honesty and forgiveness from my godchildren and children I spend time than most of my friends and family who “should know better.”

Here’s the REAL reason I wrote this: I respect my elders, but I’m about to go HAM on some of them in the near future. In case you don’t know what I mean: If one more person older than me disrespects or disregards me I’m gonna return the favor.

Why? ‘Cause they gon’ LEARN TODAY! LOL

You can’t dish what you can’t take. I was taught to NEVER disrespect adults, my older siblings, parents and really any person older than me because it was the right thing to do and it’s a sign that “your mama didn’t teach you no better than that.”

HOWEVER, no one ever prepared me to let someone older than me DISRESPECT me simply because they were born in a different century or decade than I.

Final words: Your behavior dictates your MATURITY LEVEL which SHOULD reflect your age. Any time someone acts in contrary to what you expect someone their age should, ask yourself this: Am I assuming that this person actually matured with time? Assumptions are rarely based on truth; if they were, then it would be a FACT versus an OPINION.

Ignorance is only bliss when you’re too young to be punished or too old to care about the punishment. I’m neither so I try to remain aware of my hang-ups so that they do not become rumors or weaknesses in my character.

My advice: practice what you preach or take the robe off, close the book up and remove yourself from the pedestal you have stepped up to.

I Got A Man. What Yo’ Man Got To Do With Me?

BACKDROP: We all remember listening to Positive K’s one-hit wonder, “I Got A Man.” We laughed, even as kids, but man it was SUCH A TRUE STORY! Ladies, we must admit that, even on our dustiest of days, we get approached by men. Sometimes the conversation goes a little something like DIS…   

*Note: Miss Lady’s speech is in BOLD

What's your man got to do with me?
I got a man
I'm not tryin to hear that
Now you can persist to play Don Juan all day
But ain't nothin gonna change
Yeah baby, sure you're right
I'ma break it down and do whatever I gots to do
I tell you know, I got eyes for you
You got eyes, but they not for me
You better use them for what they for and that's to see
You know what's the problem, ya not used to learnin
I'm Big Daddy Longstroke, and your man's Pee Wee Herman
I got a question to ask you troop
Are you a chef, cause you keep feedin me soup
You know what they say about those who sweat thyself
You might find yourself, by yourself
I'm not waitin because I'm no waiter
So when I blow up, don't try to kick it to me later
All them girls must got you gassed
A-when they see a good thing they don't let it pass
Well that's OK, cause see if that's their plan
Cause for me, I already got a man
Well look I'll treat you good
My man treats me better
I talk sweet on the phone
My man writes love letters
I'll tell you that I want you, and tell you that I care
My man says the same except he's sincere
Well I'm clean cut and dapper, that's what I'm about
My man buys me things and he takes me out
Well you can keep your man, cause I don't go that route
Don't you know you hafta respect me
There's a lot of girls out there who won't say no

Aww c'mon now ain't no future in frontin
I'm not havin it
C'mon Miss, oh we back on that again
Uhh, I'm not tryin to hear that see
I got a man
But your man ain't me
Uhh, uhh, I got a man
You got a WHAT?
Uhh, uhh, uhh, I got a man
You got a WHAT?

It’s 2011 and the game AIN’T changed! Sadly, our mentalities have. “I Got A Man” – let it marinate in your mind for a moment…how many times have you used these words to convince YOURself & some crazy stranger on the street that you’re taken care of in the love department. Real talk, I’ve used it even when I was single…thought about saying “I Got A Girl” but nowadays that only opens the door for more offers. SMH. Men and women are such a funny group of people.

Back to the issue at hand. So here you have a young fella who sees a fine tenderoni on the street, stepped to her and makes it crystal clear that she need to drop that zero so she can roll with a hero. LOL Like Jerome said, “you gotta drop your frenzo, if you wanna ride in the benzoo” ahahahahahahahaha. Lil’ mama is SOUND, CONVINCED and DETERMINED to let him know his offers, although appealing to some girls, are Unwanted!

Here’s the deeper look.

Man sees woman. Woman notices man sees her. Man approaches woman. Woman refuses man.

Pretty simple, huh? Let’s continue.

Man sees A woman HE THINKS IS ATTRACTIVE. Woman notices man NOTICES THAT SHE IS ATTRACTIVE. Man EVALUATES himself and approaches ATTRACTIVE woman. Woman KNOWS HERSELF and refuses man’s OFFER.

You see there’s a difference between value and attraction. Often times those things that attract us lose value once we evaluate them. Like a Picasso painting, from a distance it seems masterful, yet when you close up it resembles the finger painting of a 2 year old. That’s why it is so important sisters to be secure; know your value. No one can lower or boost your self-esteem unless you allow it. It’s not your attractiveness that draws people to you; instead it’s your innate value that commands attention.  Attention can be unwanted but that’s another blog topic.

Things to consider about a MAN:

1. A man knows what it is to be a man.

2. A man knows what it is to be a woman.

3. A man knows what traits his woman should possess.

4. A man uses his eyes as a magnifying glass.

Things to consider about a WOMAN:

1. A woman knows what it is to be a woman

2. A woman knows what it is to be a man.

3. A woman knows what traits her man should possess.

4. A woman uses her heart as a magnifying glass.

So you see men use their eyes to evaluate another person, whether they have 20/20 vision or not. Women understand this (trust me, I’ve talked with enough of them) and so our initial reaction is the decline your offer. You might get a gentle “no thank you” or you might get a “if you don’t get out of my face.” Understand brothas that she is not saying you are unfit for any woman, just not her. It baffles me how irate men become when you tell them you have a man or you’re just not interested.

Why is that men? Not rhetorical. Please comment because I REALLY WANT TO KNOW!

What went wrong/right in the convo between Positive K and the young tenderoni he saw on the street?

Here’s my take on it.

1. It was wonderful that the man saw her beauty; it was unfortunate that it also blinded him.

2. It was great that he was prepared to win her love; it was unfortunate that he was willing to steal her from another guy.

3. It was awesome that she knew her worth; it was unfortunate that she let the conversation go on for as long as it did.

4. It was great that she was secure that her man deserves her and vice versa.

5. It was intriguing that she indirectly taught him how to be her potential mate, and although he heard her, he was secure in himself and at the end of the convo even if she didn’t want him someone else would definitely be his girl.

DO NOT SETTLE FOR BETTER WHEN GOD WANTS TO BLESS YOU WITH HIS BEST!

A lot of men and women will approach you, but you have the CHOICE to decline the offer. A true gem shines, even if no one asks to try it on. So if no one is approaching you, don’t lower your value to become “attractive” according to POPULAR standards. Beauty starts from within…no make-up, break-up or fix-up should change your opinion of YOU. This is coming from a Mary Kay rep – I knew I was beautiful before I ever put on foundation, concealer and lip gloss. More importantly, I don’t “sell beauty” – cosmetics are a tool and like any tool it can be misused if not used in the original creator’s intended way. Your foundation should be self-made; you should not conceal your blemishes of hurt and insecurity. You should love your crusty lip before you cover it up with gloss, balm or crème lipstick. I hope you understand what I’m saying. There’s going to come a time when you can’t cover the wrinkles, crow’s feet or age lines. Most coverage is temporary – take refuge and stability from Christ. Okay, I’m done preaching. LOL

My Last Thoughts…

Infidelity happens most often because of temptation. I could spend a lot of time justifying my instances of cheating, but I digress. I could say it’s because my boo didn’t show me enough attention or didn’t meet my standards, but inevitably I must take responsibility for my actions. I cheated. End of story. I should have closed a door before opening another one. Temptation is a quirky spirit. It doesn’t hafta have a true root to exist and it’s very easy to transport itself. It presents itself as an opportunity, but it’s actually a distraction. Be careful that you don’t fall to temptation AND/OR cause someone else to fall. Only God can judge, but oh boy, we all will be surprised on how OUR case closes. The bible infers that if we resist temptation, then it will disperse. I believe it. God always gives us WARNINGs before destruction. God does not tempt our spirits, it is our own selfish desires (James 1:13). “Oops” and “I’m Sorry” won’t work during divorce court, the police station, the funeral home or the heavenly gates. Be blessed & thanks for reading!
 

Get off the clearance rack; Valuables are kept in the glass case (Stacy James, NSD, Mary Kay, Inc.)!

Submission: Ladies, Don’t Cringe

Before I start, let me just take a moment to give God praises for what HE does. If you woulda told me 2 years ago that today I would be blogging about the advantages of submission, I woulda looked at you like you CRAZY. It’s taken me a loooong time to accept this calling…matter fact, there are still some things I just can’t toss back and swallow until a godly person sways me otherwise. (Hint hint)

Let’s discuss this issue of submission: shall we? S-u-b-m-i-s-s-i-o-n…almost synonymous with enslavement or surrender of rights – at least that’s what I once thought. Now, more mature in the faith and more secure in my identity I don’t shudder when I hear this word used CORRECTLY.

I began to consider this Submission thing as a potential asset to my Christian portfolio about a year or so ago. I would like to say that it came over me and I caught it in the midst of a praise break or quiet devotional moment but that ain’t happen, cap’n. God spoke in the midst of a Hurricane Katrina storm in my life. In hindsight, I know that had I been more secure in who I was: a woman & a child of God, then I probably wouldn’t have wasted so much TIME and EMOTION on fighting His sovereignty.

Submission – Webster’s definition:

1: (a). A legal agreement to submit to the decision of arbitrators

    (b). An act of submitting something (as for consideration or inspection); also: something submitted (as a      

          manuscript)

2: The condition of being submissive, humble, or compliant

3: An act of submitting to the authority or control of another

Submission in your FAITH

Proverbs 3:6 In all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

 OUR EXAMPLE: JESUS
Mark 14:36 On the eve of his betrayal, Jesus prayed to God for rescue from the suffering he was about to endure. In the ultimate act of submission to God's will, Jesus here states his acceptance of God's will, whether or not his prayer is answered the way he personally prefers.

I’ve learned the longer I fight God’s will, the longer I spend in recovery. REAL TALK. I know I’m stubborn and lack a lot of self-control, but I’m also an analytical person. So that means I notice patterns, of thought, of action, of speech, etc. So I asked myself, “Self, why are you so stressed out?” Besides the fact that I wear a lot of hats, I had to understand that I’m fighting the battle that Yolanda Adams told me a long time ago that “isn’t mine to fight.”

So now I search for a promise that God gave His children and STAND ON IT! If it isn’t real to me, how can I expect God to fulfill it? Matt 6:33-34 “Seek first...” So I began to say LORD, now you said if I seek you above all thing that you will give me the desires of my heart. I’m seeking you and I pray in the spirit of expectation that you know my heart’s desires and when they LINE UP with your will for my life, God you will grant it. Take note of a few things: 1). I did not adjust the scripture to justify my desire. 2). I acknowledged that God has the FINAL say, 3). I let God know that not only do I believe He is able, but I EXPECT Him to deliver in His own timing and 4). I’m admitting that some of my desires might not line up with God’s will so if I’m noticing a delay, maybe I need to adjust my plan in exchange for God’s will. I need to SUBMIT my thoughts, life and desires to the LORD and let Him approve ‘em.

Now there are levels of authority, outside of the Lord, that I must submit myself to. Let’s dive in!

Submission to AUTHORITATIVE FIGURES

Family (older siblings, parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, basically anyone older than me)

Basic rule of thumb: LOVE covers a MULTITUDE of mess. Although my family stress me out at times either because of miscommunication, mistakes in judgment or simply because they won’t let me get my way. I have to respect them – I should WANT to respect them as they are a reflection of me, carry my family’s name and at the end of the day, THEY ALL I GOT! Love y’all by the way!

Occupational (my veteran co-workers, supervisors (and their bosses), the HR department (policies)

Colossians 3:23 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men

Basic rule of thumb: Since they affect whether or not my paycheck comes, I gotta abide by the rules. *Note: If God gave me the job, He can take it away* It comes a time when even they must understand that you can’t expect what you’re not willing to offer. You disrespect me once: I’m gonna bite my tongue…twice: I’m gonna send you a very professional e-mail that explains where we stand three: I’m gonna ask the Lord for forgiveness: I might just let my mouth work for the enemy OR whatever happens, after this experience with me, you gon’ know what NOT to do next time this opportunity presents itself.

Citizenship (Police, IRS, City of KCMO, City Officials, President)

Basic rule of thumb: If I break a law and get caught, I’m going to jail or I’m paying a fine (in some cases both). If I own some property, they TAXING. If I buy something, THEY TAXING. Whenever I make $, guess what, they DO TOO! But they sho’ bettah be prepared to PROVE I owe anything and/or I was the one who “shot the deputy” – I document A LOT and trust, mama didn’t raise NO FOOL!

Submission in MARRIAGE

Ephesians 5:22-23 Husbands and wives are both called to submit to and serve each other, using Christ's relationship to the church as their model. Because Christ's life was dedicated to serving others, that should be our model for relating to our spouses.

I really can’t spend a lot of time on this section due to the following:

1.       I’m not married.

2.       I still struggle with this.

3.       There are too many people using submission as an excuse for a man to act a plum fool and for a woman to stick it out, by any means necessary. So if I discuss how I really feel, y’all might think I’m crazier than ya did before you read it. As a matter of fact…let me go ahead and break my philosophy down…

TAMZ PHILOSOPHY OF SUBMISSION IN MARRIAGE: I can’t submit to a man if he ain’t submitting to GOD! I will not become engaged, marry or ‘work it out’ with/to a man that no longer submits to GOD! I will not remain married to a man who done lost every piece of the good sense God gave him (i.e. verbal & physical abuse, infidelity, etc.). #ThatIsAll

Your thoughts?

Talk To Her (Respecting My Sisters): Manners, Unity & Empowerment

Purpose: There is nothing I loathe more than WOMEN degrading WOMEN (other than men doing it). So I write this post with the intent to change your mentality when it comes to how you treat the women in your life, strangers on the street & the female population in general.

PLEASE COMMENT, how else will I know that my mission was partially completed? :-)

I was raised in Northern Louisiana (from 0-12 ½ years of age) and in the south we believe in tradition: discipline, respect, hospitality, simplicity & honesty. These five cornerstone values have stayed with me for all of my 26 years.

**Please keep in mind these scenarios are just examples...not my life story.**

WOMEN in your life (family, friends, elders, co-workers, church members, neighbors)
Basic rule of thumb is LOVE covers a multitude of mess.

So despite how jacked up my childhood was, I should not hold grudges against my mother. The bible says our days on this earth will be shortened if we do not obey and regard our parents with the utmost respect.

Although my sisters/stepsisters picked on me when I was growing up, tried every chance they could to lower my self-esteem and never really showed me they loved me, I still help them whenever they are in need.

My mom taught me to respect my elders. Life taught me to respect those that respect you. So I’m gonna let SOME sly comments and trifling actions slide if you’re 10+ years older than I. On the other hand, age does not dictate maturity so at times I’m gonna maintain my integrity while I gently put you in your place. Older women need to issue the same respect they expect from younger ladies.

My female co-workers, though they stress me out to no end, I must remember that we are on a team with one purpose: to get the job done. So having a negative attitude, being rude during meetings and refusing to work together will only make my work shift harder.

A lot of women in the church are some of the most judgmental, self-righteous, petty, two-faced, insecure people I have ever met. However, if my sole purpose of coming to church or working in a ministry is to give back to God what he pours into me, then I can put up with the unnecessary competition, arrogance & superiority complexes. Don't get me wrong, I've met some Prov 31 women in my time, but be advised - we ain't always on ONE ACCORD.


Bishop Dudley of the NLIC Interdenominational church says ONE ACCORD: means more than being ONE in mindset, but also EQUAL in every respect.


My female neighbors act like they are the only tenant in this building. Playing loud music at all times of the day/night, letting they kids run back and forth above my head & rolling their eyes whenever I happen to pass them on the steps/parking lot. Some females are just IGNORANT, unstable creatures! Does that mean I must lower my integrity and cuss them out every time they do something wrong? YES! Lol No seriously, we have to remain Christian women since we know our Father in Heaven expects us to be bettah than that!

WOMEN you don’t know (unfamiliar women in your zip code, friends of friends, FB/Twitter)
I enter a room full of women. Either they have heard something about me, had a previous confrontation with me or have something to say about my wardrobe. I'm still gonna say "hello" as I walk to my seat because I made a vow to uphold the value system my parents and God have instilled in me. Their negativity should not hinder my light.

WHY MUST WE ALWAYS COMPETE? Just because we don’t look alike or dress alike does NOT mean we are not equal. Learn to compliment other women - it's OK to say "nice shoes" or "cute outfit" or "girl, your hair is gorgeous."

Watch your thoughts as they become beliefs, watch your tongue as it shapes your character, watch your actions as they create your reputation!

GENERAL FEMALE POPULATION
Understand that we all are women but come from different backgrounds. Maybe our mothers and other women in our lives were not the best example to follow so we have a skewed perception of WOMEN. With that being said, unity should stem from the fact that WE ALL deal with some of the SAME MESS – same baby daddy drama, conniving & sneaky people, sexism and the stresses that come with being a woman.

BREAK THE CYCLE. No matter if your mom, sister, cousin, grandma, or whoever was a MAJOR influence in your life was not a good leader, friend or mentor. You are responsible for YOU. Raise your children right, treat other women better and stop allowing your past to write your future!

In the event that…

1. You find out she’s been having an affair or cheating with your man. Why you gotta beat HER up? Unless she’s someone you already know, why should you expect anything different from her? She don’t know you and he probably been lying about the kind of person you are. Does that stop you from making a scene (in front of the kids or whomever)? NO!
REALITY: He cheated on BOTH of you. You shouldn’t hafta share your man with anyone besides the women in his family.

2. You hear around the way that she don’t like you or spread a rumor about you. The FIRST person you should discuss it with is HER. Note that I did not say you should cuss her out via phone, fb or text. Rarely is gossip ever 100% true so initially, expect that this is false information. Do not attack her. Matter fact, if it’s truly petty you don’t even need to discuss it, LET IT GO! It don’t make you any less of a woman to let things roll of your back. Ask yourself, why one of your “friends” would bring gossip to you in the first place. I don’t spread gossip babe, it always comes back on you.

3. You had a previous disagreement with her and now you have to work with her. Know how to forgive and forget sometimes. We are HUMAN so we’re gonna make mistakes. I might have called you out your name when I was like 15, but now that I’m 26 understand that I’m more mature and probably forgot about the childish things we argued about.

NEXT STEPs…???

First of all, I suggest you make amends (if possible) with women you have held grudges against, argued with, physically assaulted (LOL) and disrespected.

Secondly, join our Women of Imagery Facebook group & follow our Women of Imagery, Inc. blog @ http://womenofimagery.blogspot.com/. Women of Imagery, Inc is a non-profit organization with a mission to provide resources to women that will allow them to overcome their present circumstances, empowring them to realize their dreams. (http://www.womenofimagery.org/)

Thirdly, do self-examination. Why do you feel intimidated by other women? Why do you feel superior to other women? Do you understand your role as a woman?

Lastly, share this information with women close to you. Discuss some of the issues. This is not an extensive research paper; I’m sure you have many other ideas concerning unity amongst women.

*NOTE: If you have never listened to India Arie’s “Talk to Her,” plz do so ASAP.*

Thanks for reading!