Thursday, September 8, 2011

Talk To Her (Respecting My Sisters): Manners, Unity & Empowerment

Purpose: There is nothing I loathe more than WOMEN degrading WOMEN (other than men doing it). So I write this post with the intent to change your mentality when it comes to how you treat the women in your life, strangers on the street & the female population in general.

PLEASE COMMENT, how else will I know that my mission was partially completed? :-)

I was raised in Northern Louisiana (from 0-12 ½ years of age) and in the south we believe in tradition: discipline, respect, hospitality, simplicity & honesty. These five cornerstone values have stayed with me for all of my 26 years.

**Please keep in mind these scenarios are just examples...not my life story.**

WOMEN in your life (family, friends, elders, co-workers, church members, neighbors)
Basic rule of thumb is LOVE covers a multitude of mess.

So despite how jacked up my childhood was, I should not hold grudges against my mother. The bible says our days on this earth will be shortened if we do not obey and regard our parents with the utmost respect.

Although my sisters/stepsisters picked on me when I was growing up, tried every chance they could to lower my self-esteem and never really showed me they loved me, I still help them whenever they are in need.

My mom taught me to respect my elders. Life taught me to respect those that respect you. So I’m gonna let SOME sly comments and trifling actions slide if you’re 10+ years older than I. On the other hand, age does not dictate maturity so at times I’m gonna maintain my integrity while I gently put you in your place. Older women need to issue the same respect they expect from younger ladies.

My female co-workers, though they stress me out to no end, I must remember that we are on a team with one purpose: to get the job done. So having a negative attitude, being rude during meetings and refusing to work together will only make my work shift harder.

A lot of women in the church are some of the most judgmental, self-righteous, petty, two-faced, insecure people I have ever met. However, if my sole purpose of coming to church or working in a ministry is to give back to God what he pours into me, then I can put up with the unnecessary competition, arrogance & superiority complexes. Don't get me wrong, I've met some Prov 31 women in my time, but be advised - we ain't always on ONE ACCORD.

Bishop Dudley of the NLIC Interdenominational church says ONE ACCORD: means more than being ONE in mindset, but also EQUAL in every respect.

My female neighbors act like they are the only tenant in this building. Playing loud music at all times of the day/night, letting they kids run back and forth above my head & rolling their eyes whenever I happen to pass them on the steps/parking lot. Some females are just IGNORANT, unstable creatures! Does that mean I must lower my integrity and cuss them out every time they do something wrong? YES! Lol No seriously, we have to remain Christian women since we know our Father in Heaven expects us to be bettah than that!

WOMEN you don’t know (unfamiliar women in your zip code, friends of friends, FB/Twitter)
I enter a room full of women. Either they have heard something about me, had a previous confrontation with me or have something to say about my wardrobe. I'm still gonna say "hello" as I walk to my seat because I made a vow to uphold the value system my parents and God have instilled in me. Their negativity should not hinder my light.

WHY MUST WE ALWAYS COMPETE? Just because we don’t look alike or dress alike does NOT mean we are not equal. Learn to compliment other women - it's OK to say "nice shoes" or "cute outfit" or "girl, your hair is gorgeous."

Watch your thoughts as they become beliefs, watch your tongue as it shapes your character, watch your actions as they create your reputation!

Understand that we all are women but come from different backgrounds. Maybe our mothers and other women in our lives were not the best example to follow so we have a skewed perception of WOMEN. With that being said, unity should stem from the fact that WE ALL deal with some of the SAME MESS – same baby daddy drama, conniving & sneaky people, sexism and the stresses that come with being a woman.

BREAK THE CYCLE. No matter if your mom, sister, cousin, grandma, or whoever was a MAJOR influence in your life was not a good leader, friend or mentor. You are responsible for YOU. Raise your children right, treat other women better and stop allowing your past to write your future!

In the event that…

1. You find out she’s been having an affair or cheating with your man. Why you gotta beat HER up? Unless she’s someone you already know, why should you expect anything different from her? She don’t know you and he probably been lying about the kind of person you are. Does that stop you from making a scene (in front of the kids or whomever)? NO!
REALITY: He cheated on BOTH of you. You shouldn’t hafta share your man with anyone besides the women in his family.

2. You hear around the way that she don’t like you or spread a rumor about you. The FIRST person you should discuss it with is HER. Note that I did not say you should cuss her out via phone, fb or text. Rarely is gossip ever 100% true so initially, expect that this is false information. Do not attack her. Matter fact, if it’s truly petty you don’t even need to discuss it, LET IT GO! It don’t make you any less of a woman to let things roll of your back. Ask yourself, why one of your “friends” would bring gossip to you in the first place. I don’t spread gossip babe, it always comes back on you.

3. You had a previous disagreement with her and now you have to work with her. Know how to forgive and forget sometimes. We are HUMAN so we’re gonna make mistakes. I might have called you out your name when I was like 15, but now that I’m 26 understand that I’m more mature and probably forgot about the childish things we argued about.


First of all, I suggest you make amends (if possible) with women you have held grudges against, argued with, physically assaulted (LOL) and disrespected.

Secondly, join our Women of Imagery Facebook group & follow our Women of Imagery, Inc. blog @ Women of Imagery, Inc is a non-profit organization with a mission to provide resources to women that will allow them to overcome their present circumstances, empowring them to realize their dreams. (

Thirdly, do self-examination. Why do you feel intimidated by other women? Why do you feel superior to other women? Do you understand your role as a woman?

Lastly, share this information with women close to you. Discuss some of the issues. This is not an extensive research paper; I’m sure you have many other ideas concerning unity amongst women.

*NOTE: If you have never listened to India Arie’s “Talk to Her,” plz do so ASAP.*

Thanks for reading!


Please comment with reflections, questions and/or complaints. Thanks, Tamilah!