Wednesday, September 21, 2011

I Got A Man. What Yo’ Man Got To Do With Me?

BACKDROP: We all remember listening to Positive K’s one-hit wonder, “I Got A Man.” We laughed, even as kids, but man it was SUCH A TRUE STORY! Ladies, we must admit that, even on our dustiest of days, we get approached by men. Sometimes the conversation goes a little something like DIS…   
*Note: Miss Lady’s speech is in BOLD
What's your man got to do with me?
I got a man
I'm not tryin to hear that
Now you can persist to play Don Juan all day
But ain't nothin gonna change

Yeah baby, sure you're right
I'ma break it down and do whatever I gots to do
I tell you know, I got eyes for you

You got eyes, but they not for me
You better use them for what they for and that's to see

You know what's the problem, ya not used to learnin
I'm Big Daddy Longstroke, and your man's Pee Wee Herman
I got a question to ask you troop

Are you a chef, cause you keep feedin me soup
You know what they say about those who sweat thyself
You might find yourself, by yourself

I'm not waitin because I'm no waiter
So when I blow up, don't try to kick it to me later

All them girls must got you gassed
A-when they see a good thing they don't let it pass
Well that's OK, cause see if that's their plan
Cause for me, I already got a man

Well look I'll treat you good
My man treats me better
I talk sweet on the phone
My man writes love letters
I'll tell you that I want you, and tell you that I care
My man says the same except he's sincere
Well I'm clean cut and dapper, that's what I'm about

My man buys me things and he takes me out
Well you can keep your man, cause I don't go that route
Don't you know you hafta respect me
There's a lot of girls out there who won't say no

Aww c'mon now ain't no future in frontin

I'm not havin it
C'mon Miss, oh we back on that again
Uhh, I'm not tryin to hear that see

I got a man
But your man ain't me
Uhh, uhh, I got a man

You got a WHAT?
Uhh, uhh, uhh, I got a man
You got a WHAT?

It’s 2011 and the game AIN’T changed! Sadly, our mentalities have. “I Got A Man” – let it marinate in your mind for a moment…how many times have you used these words to convince YOURself & some crazy stranger on the street that you’re taken care of in the love department. Real talk, I’ve used it even when I was single…thought about saying “I Got A Girl” but nowadays that only opens the door for more offers. SMH. Men and women are such a funny group of people.

Back to the issue at hand. So here you have a young fella who sees a fine tenderoni on the street, stepped to her and makes it crystal clear that she need to drop that zero so she can roll with a hero. LOL Like Jerome said, “you gotta drop your frenzo, if you wanna ride in the benzoo” ahahahahahahahaha. Lil’ mama is SOUND, CONVINCED and DETERMINED to let him know his offers, although appealing to some girls, are Unwanted!

Here’s the deeper look.
Man sees woman. Woman notices man sees her. Man approaches woman. Woman refuses man.

Pretty simple, huh? Let’s continue.
Man sees A woman HE THINKS IS ATTRACTIVE. Woman notices man NOTICES THAT SHE IS ATTRACTIVE. Man EVALUATES himself and approaches ATTRACTIVE woman. Woman KNOWS HERSELF and refuses man’s OFFER.

You see there’s a difference between value and attraction. Often times those things that attract us lose value once we evaluate them. Like a Picasso painting, from a distance it seems masterful, yet when you close up it resembles the finger painting of a 2 year old. That’s why it is so important sisters to be secure; know your value. No one can lower or boost your self-esteem unless you allow it. It’s not your attractiveness that draws people to you; instead it’s your innate value that commands attention.  Attention can be unwanted but that’s another blog topic.

Things to consider about a MAN:
1. A man knows what it is to be a man.
2. A man knows what it is to be a woman.
3. A man knows what traits his woman should possess.
4. A man uses his eyes as a magnifying glass.

Things to consider about a WOMAN:
1. A woman knows what it is to be a woman
2. A woman knows what it is to be a man.
3. A woman knows what traits her man should possess.
4. A woman uses her heart as a magnifying glass.

So you see men use their eyes to evaluate another person, whether they have 20/20 vision or not. Women understand this (trust me, I’ve talked with enough of them) and so our initial reaction is the decline your offer. You might get a gentle “no thank you” or you might get a “if you don’t get out of my face.” Understand brothas that she is not saying you are unfit for any woman, just not her. It baffles me how irate men become when you tell them you have a man or you’re just not interested.

Why is that men? Not rhetorical. Please comment because I REALLY WANT TO KNOW!

What went wrong/right in the convo between Positive K and the young tenderoni he saw on the street?

Here’s my take on it.
1. It was wonderful that the man saw her beauty; it was unfortunate that it also blinded him.
2. It was great that he was prepared to win her love; it was unfortunate that he was willing to steal her from another guy.
3. It was awesome that she knew her worth; it was unfortunate that she let the conversation go on for as long as it did.
4. It was great that she was secure that her man deserves her and vice versa.
5. It was intriguing that she indirectly taught him how to be her potential mate, and although he heard her, he was secure in himself and at the end of the convo even if she didn’t want him someone else would definitely be his girl.

A lot of men and women will approach you, but you have the CHOICE to decline the offer. A true gem shines, even if no one asks to try it on. So if no one is approaching you, don’t lower your value to become “attractive” according to POPULAR standards. Beauty starts from within…no make-up, break-up or fix-up should change your opinion of YOU. This is coming from a Mary Kay rep – I knew I was beautiful before I ever put on foundation, concealer and lip gloss. More importantly, I don’t “sell beauty” – cosmetics are a tool and like any tool it can be misused if not used in the original creator’s intended way. Your foundation should be self-made; you should not conceal your blemishes of hurt and insecurity. You should love your crusty lip before you cover it up with gloss, balm or crème lipstick. I hope you understand what I’m saying. There’s going to come a time when you can’t cover the wrinkles, crow’s feet or age lines. Most coverage is temporary – take refuge and stability from Christ. Okay, I’m done preaching. LOL

My Last Thoughts…

Infidelity happens most often because of temptation. I could spend a lot of time justifying my instances of cheating, but I digress. I could say it’s because my boo didn’t show me enough attention or didn’t meet my standards, but inevitably I must take responsibility for my actions. I cheated. End of story. I should have closed a door before opening another one. Temptation is a quirky spirit. It doesn’t hafta have a true root to exist and it’s very easy to transport itself. It presents itself as an opportunity, but it’s actually a distraction. Be careful that you don’t fall to temptation AND/OR cause someone else to fall. Only God can judge, but oh boy, we all will be surprised on how OUR case closes. The bible infers that if we resist temptation, then it will disperse. I believe it. God always gives us WARNINGs before destruction. God does not tempt our spirits, it is our own selfish desires (James 1:13). “Oops” and “I’m Sorry” won’t work during divorce court, the police station, the funeral home or the heavenly gates. Be blessed & thanks for reading!


Get off the clearance rack; Valuables are kept in the glass case (Stacy James, NSD, Mary Kay, Inc.)!


  1. Luv it! You are so right about us knowing our value and not basing off of what others say nor from the physical. Having a spirit filled with Jesus will radiate from the inside to the outside . This will also attract a diffrent type of man or woman.

  2. Thanks hunni bun!! It's soooooooooo important for women to understand their value lies in the wisdom they apply to life as opposed to their curves...wisdom comes from God so ergo...your greatest resource is a spiritual relationship with Christ

  3. I disagree with your #2s (A woman knows what it is to be a man and vice versa). I think they are wrong - plain and simple.

    As far as your take:
    1. It's normal for him to be blinded by her beauty - it had to be enough to make him STEP UP and take a risk!!! Once he got there, he had to fight a woman, unless you regularly approach men, you can NOT understand this.
    2. I think a man has to be willing to get the woman if HE wants her. He cannot be worried about the OTHER man.
    3. See #2. It is the woman's job to END the conversation....I agree with you that it went on too long. Every extra second after "I got a man" encourages him to think it's possible to win her anyway.

  4. You can't disagree with my #2s without giving a reason. Plan and simple. Before you disagree tho, let me give you a little more detail. A woman has knowledge of what it is to be a man. A man has knowledge of what it is to be a man.

    Note: I did not say a woman can walk in a man's shoes and vice versa. If we went to the word of God, it's clearly outlined in what man/woman should embody: the values they should have, respect and love. From learning the hard way, I sure as heck know what a man is NOT.

    1. Both men and women from time to time are blinded by beauty. However, if you have experienced enough Van Gogh relationships, you know that although physical appearance is a factor, it takes more than good looks to be kept around.

    2. This logic = cheating, the "other" woman and adultery. Men and women alike need to 1. Respect the relationship of others and 2. Be secure in themselves so they don't have to go after unavailable women and men.

    3. Yep, the woman really does have the choice to end it. I don't know how many times I've literally had to cuss some dude out because he didn't listen the first time I said "I'm not interested." So I agree that the woman has the final say in the convo, but the fellas make it so HARD to politely decline their offer. (i.e. following me around the store, sitting next to me on the bus, swerving into my lane while we in traffic and constantly coming by my cubicle complimenting my outfit).

    Thanks for reading!
    You're the first to disagree & I have NO problem discussing it with you.


Please comment with reflections, questions and/or complaints. Thanks, Tamilah!